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What do you call your mother?
Mum, of course.
OK. But, what about your mother's elder sister and younger sister?
Aunty, what would you say?
Maximum and Minimum.
Well, children! Today we will learn about our ancestors.
Sir, I heard from my father that our ancestors were monkeys.
Please sit down, we are not talking about your family.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He's all right now.
Man : How old is your father ?
Boy : As old as me
Man : How can that be ?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born!
What do you call a woman with one leg?
- Ilene
Son, what do u want for ur birthday?
Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it.
What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?
Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!
Q: What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't Come Back?
A: A Stick.
Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
Billy : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday sametime."
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh
In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
You can't fool me, snakes don't have feet.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere.
Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other : "Funny, I smell carrots too".
When the police officer says "Son...your eyes look red. Have you been drinking?"
You probably shouldn't respond with "Officer your eyes look glazed. Have
you been eating cherries?"
Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat?
Cut off your head.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
-Anyone can roast beef.
What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moovies !
What does a fish say when it runs into a wall?
DAMN!
If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?
How do you stop a fish from smelling?
Cut its nose off.
What is a dogs favourite school subject?
"Dog-Ruff-E "
I believe 10 out of 9 people have trouble with fractions.
Teacher: What is the chemical formula for water?
Susan: "H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O"
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Susan: Yesterday you said it's H to O! |
Doctor, I think I'm a bell!
Here, take these pills. If they don't work, give me a ring
Four tortoises were playing poker when they ran out of beer. They pooled their money and sent the smallest tortoise out to fetch the beer. Two days passed and there was no sign of the tortoise.
"You know, Tommy is getting really slow nowadays", said one of the tortoises.
A little voice from just out side the door said, " If you are going to talk about me I won't go."
Lotta self-help tapes out there. I got one called 'How to Handle
Disappointment.' Got it home and the box was empty.
What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud What do you call a camal with 3 humps? Humphreys.
I have a stepladder. It's a very nice stepladder, but it's
sad that I never knew my real ladder.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting on your front porch?
- Matt
Paul, why are you late for school again?
Paul : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.
Why don't aliens eat clowns.
Because they taste funny.
Two rules for life:
1. Don't tell people everything you know.
2.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
el-if-i-no
Polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'll
have a gin.........................and tonic."
The Bartender says, "What's with the big pause?"
The bear answers, "I don't know. My father had them, too!"
There are 2 cowboys in the kitchen. Which one is the real cowboy?
The one on the range.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
-A nervous wreck.
Johnny: Dad, can you write in the dark?
Father: I think so. What do you want me to write?
Johnny: Your name on this card (report card).
Where do you find a no-legged dog?
-Right where you left him.
A Horse goes into a bar and the bartender says
"Hey buddy, Why the Long Face"
What do you call a deer with no eyes ?
I have no I-Deer.
I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.
Teacher: Johnny, go to the map and find North America.
Johnny: Here it is!
Teacher: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
Class: Johnny!
Teenager's; Don't hate yourself in the morning... sleep till noon.
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